Day in York

We had a day out in York today, me and my bezzie decided it would be prudent to get there early, take advantage before the schools shut for the holidays and City centres everywhere become deluged with our small children being dragged from stocking to sack, and look, look, look at the pretty reindeer, appreciate the reindeer, ffs, I’ve brought you here haven’t I? I saw one man, in one of those grotto’s that have been invented to ‘show off our many, many, many Xmas lights’, happily showing his toddler, in fact he was insisting on showing her, the thick white fabric, that was meant to look like snow. Well it did look like snow, he was just ensuring she absolutely knew that it wasn’t snow, “spoil sport”, I thought, can there be no wonderment for our children? She was totally baffled when the cloth wasn’t snow, and then I thought, wow, I bet she hasn’t even experienced snow yet… she went off happily confused, with no idea that she had been. She’ll work it out when someone shows her the real thing.

We went into a department store I haven’t ever been in before, I found it spooky and a little bit ‘Grace Brothers’, tired and dated, just like watching the re-runs (shudders at the thought). There were these hideous fancy dress costumes, d’you remember when we used make our own, and it was fun and exciting? (and I know – not everyone did, I was one of the lucky ones) now we seem to buy our fun and excitement off the rack for a bargain £6.99, yeuk, nylon Snow White’s and Cinderella’s. We went up the escalators to be met with four small display points within the going up / going down bit, all the child manikins were headless, it was like going from Camp Mr Humphries 1980’s to Zombie’s, Day of the Dead in about 3 seconds…. Horrible.
I was (sadly) really pleased when I was shown the hat shop David Ford mentions at one of his gigs,



we went in, however it was early in the day, and nothing grabbed me, the ones that did were too big, so we moved on.

I loved the shop front display of Octopus, neat, tidy and very effective, tis a shop full of stuff you can only buy if you have excess money… things you didn’t know you needed because in truth who really needs a wine glass that is stuck to a matchbox car? I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s great and it’s fun, it is just so totally wasteful, kooky tins that look like spiders..? Like I said, things you really don’t need but love to go and look at….



At one point I found myself in Miranda’s shop… I was waiting for Miranda to come down the stairs in a full on transvestite gown, just as my friend pointed out the penis shaped pasta… isn’t that what ‘Miranda’ sells? she asked. I had become distracted by the tiny battery operated pig attached to a dying helium balloon grunting and nudging at my foot, her words brought me back to Miranda… yeah, that’s the pasta alright ewwwwwwww lololol.



We bought some little ducks that change colour when the temperature changes…. Although the ‘paint your own wellies’ gift idea was, I thought, excellent.

There were three funny little Santa’s outside…



This doll named Mona was in Habitat.



I did not like her, or her format, at all. It made me feel uncomfortable for all the reasons that this



doesn’t. I have a lot of time for Alison Lapper, pregnant or not. The doll, Mona (and I bet she does, when small children have drawn all over her and she’s slung in the hot wash through no fault of her own) is such a strange thing to want to buy your child. Paint it on, scrub it off, the whole concept is skewered.

I found the bouquet I want, if I ever do the marriage thing, cabbages that are now flowers, Brassica, I think they are called. I was reminded of the Little Shop of Horrors and Audrey the singing / talking plant… They looked wonderful.



We walked through the market a couple of times, the sausage stall was amazing, all glowing red, like a spaceship had landed and decided to waft the delicious aromas of different spiced and herbed sausages’ all around. Bliss. I took these photo’s



and loved the warm glow and the spirit of the stall traders, all four of them were dressed up as Santa. Explain that one to the little girl in the grotto, I thought. I also saw a funky cat felt hat and a felt flower hat with a stalk, I bought the flower, then as I continued looking saw a scarf that wasn’t really substantial enough to be a scarf, hanging with several other ‘not scarves’, and got one of those as well. If anyone asks me where Jack is, I will hit them lolol. I put the hat on my head whilst waiting to pay for said items, waited patiently for the handsome young man to finish with the customer in front of me, who was buying a ‘rainbow of colours’ knitted zip up hoody. That’ll be heavy if you get rained on, I thought. He used the cash machine, which then ran out of charge and we started the merry dance of ‘fuck around with all the plugs and try and keep the stall full of people occupied’. It was a struggle, as he unplugged the lights from ‘here’ to there, it didn’t work and blah, blah, blah, you get the picture, it took me 15 minutes in the end, bargain price though. Whilst I was waiting, with the hat on my head, I heard some young lads behind me chatting and laughing, turned to see what was happening just as the joker of the group put the same hat I was wearing on his head and said, ‘hmm, look at me, don’t I look pretty in my flowery hat…?’ And minced around like some gay cabaret star, I coughed, he stopped, they all looked at me, and he turned a lovely puce as he said, ‘oh, I’m sorry, I look way better than you in it’ and cracked up, winked at me as they all nonchalantly sauntered off lolol.

We had a surprisingly good cup of tea from one of the coffee shops, Starbucks I think, and a bargain at only £1.30 (remember I paid £1.75 at York station the other day, it nearly killed me.) I missed the only busker we saw, he was having a chat with a friend of his, nice photo though lol

We would have bought all our Xmas shopping if there’d been anything to buy, the whole City seemed to be trying to sell everyone knitted items, I think they were brand new, they all looked oddly familiar though, 1980’s market stall apparel in Wallis? Gap? All the shops that used to be stylish and promote looking good, piling high these hideous knitted acrylic jumpers, or, in the case of M+S and Twiggy, only £49.95 for a plain cashmere one! There was also the bargain to be had of an electric toothbrush half price and only £98.00. ffs.

We still had a great day though, as our pleasure is nothing to do with spending money, or whether we got the things we were trying to get, there’s always tomorrow for that. Two friends just enjoying each others company.